Nowadays, people have a hustle and bustle life everyday. Many parents don't spend their time to accompany children on weekends. As a result, the physical vigour and health of puberty teenagers deteriorated. Teenagers love to stay at home watching TV or surfing the net, and they become weekend couch potatoes gradually. Without exercise, many teenagers become ill with problem as obesity and accidie. These physical diseases had a great effect on health. Furthermore, exercise helps people keep a good mood. As long as they have a healthy body and mind, they will have a positive attitude towards life without a doubt .
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Well done! You use the transitional expressions well. Can you make your topic sentence and structure of the whole essay clear? Making an outline before you start writing may help!
a haste and fuss life ?
-->find better expression
the physical vigour and health of puberty teenagers' are deteriorated.
-->delete the apostrophe after teenagers
are deteriorated
-->delete 'are'
As long as they have a healthy body and mind, they will cause them have a positive attitude towards life without a doubt .
-->What does the second 'they' refer to? What does 'them' refer to? Try to rewrite the sentence to avoid confusion.
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